I felt very seen in this article. Thanks for the permission. It has been over 40 years, and it's about time I stop fighting my own neural architecture to fit in.
I love hearing that! Feeling seen is exactly what I want for others who have unique neural architectures. I was 43 when I started fully realizing it, to the point that I embraced finding a way to align with it.
Everything you describe, has parallels in how I understand myself. Different paths, same conclusions.
My brother was labeled gifted and diagnosed with ADHD, as a child. From a young age, I did math workbooks for fun and couldn't get enough, yet was missed. I grew up being told & believing I was "stupid", an "airhead", not as bright as my brother. Later in life, I learned that I'm AuDHD. Learning to accommodate myself in a neuroaffirming way has unlocked my brain in ways that regularly shock me. Who knew I'm actually intelligent! 🤪
To have access to my "supernova days", I need to offload unnecessary cognitive load, to deconstruct or replace norms, to regulate & exist differently than common "shoulds & oughts". I wish others knew it's not only okay but necessary to challenge the norms. Thank you for "seeing" me, for allowing me to "see" you, and hopefully the shared witnessing frees others, too. 🙌🏻
You're doing the work! And designing an aligned life! I love it!!
I wouldn't be where I am without my coaches, therapists, wife, family, and AI. I've had access to great resources too, like books and fellow writers.
What or who encouraged and supported you along the way to find this life? I'm interested in the technical scaffolding to enable it, but also the relational.
Ooh, interesting questions. I've not really articulated this before, but roughly... As for relational scaffolding, it's largely been a solo journey. I became a bit (Ha! Understatement!) hyperfocused on learning about autism and ADHD. My curiosity and insatiable desire to understand something drives my questions, my desire to reimagine & create something different. I do have supportive friends & family, but we have different interests & live around the globe from one another.
One example of technical scaffolding. I learned about different relationships autistics can have with food/eating and then the same for the ADHD brain. I started to see which ones showed up for me. Suddenly, all the cultural narratives around food, eating, weight, laziness, etc. began to fall away. I didn't forget to eat because I'm fat. I forget to eat because I don't receive hunger signals (autism). I didn't binge because I have no will power, but because I'm craving neurotransmitters (ADHD). I don't struggle to prepare food because I'm lazy, but because there are too many choices and steps (executive dysfunction). I'm not a stubborn eater, I have ARFID tendencies. So, I changed what I eat, when I eat it, and how I prepare food. I use time/reminders to make up for few/no hunger signals. I start my day by eating protein (Protein ➡️ amino acids ➡️ neurotransmitters.) to eliminate binging, later. I'm eating consistently, now, & very predictably. This facilitates decreasing cognitive load around grocery shopping (I also order my groceries online, further reducing sensory and cognitive load of going to the store.), choosing meals, and food prep.
The more I learned about my brain, other autistic and/or ADHD brains, it gave me different questions to ask, things to consider.
Another example, drinking water was always challenging for me unless it was ice cold. But when the ice melted, I wouldn't touch it. I'd dump it, as if it were "contaminated". 🤣 And then face executive dysfunction to refill the glass, while feeling guilty for wasting water. So, I bought a water bottle that keeps ice frozen for 24-36 hours. I drink more water now that every time I pick it up, it's ice cold. And I no longer waste water.
I tailor my environment, tools, processes to account for my sensory preferences, to reduce cognitive load, and to facilitate my drive for autonomy. Which frees up my brain for play, whimsy, creativity, analytical exploration & synthesis. And on and on. I'm more present, a better friend, more resilient, "smarter", more creative, etc., than I was, because I've built in mechanisms to account for having more neuronal connections and fewer filters for all the incoming data (Compared to neurotypical brains that experience more neuronal pruning from toddler-hood to adolescence & can filter data differently.).
So, I think you could say my scaffolding is driven by my curiosity and puzzles. (What happens if I try this? And then seeing direct, patterned results.)
I can relate to the hyperfocus on autism and ADHD. It's so validating while being complex enough to act as fuel for our brains' desires. And there's so much more to learn that hasn't been "discovered" yet so it's an endless puzzle.
Your reframes related to food are on point, and POWERFUL. It's so interesting to me how much of what we thought we understand can be reframed through the lens of neurodivergence.
I thought I was simply a huge Costco fan. But I've realized it's more likely that I prefer to bulk shop because remembering to restock items by making a trip to the grocery store is tricky for me. If I never run out, I never have to remember. And the merchandising strategy at Costco gives me 2-3 options to select from for each product, not a wall of 42 different brands that I need to compare and choose from.
Your solution for the drinking water problem is also a perfect example of a neurodivergent solution for a complex (for you) problem. I just had a friend say they won't drink their "dusty ass water" since it's been sitting out without a lid for over an hour. 🤣
Thanks for sharing your scaffolding! Keep up the good work!
Oh my goodness, yes!! This is why I prefer bulk buying, too! And Costco satisfying this preference plus offering limited options makes so much sense.
Recently, a friend sent me an IG reel (Link below.) talking about ancient Rome's thermopolia. (No kitchens in most homes, going to the thermopolias to choose a hot meal.) I was thinking how perfect something like that would be for neurodivergent brains. No meal planning, grocery shopping, decision making, food prep. Just go for a walk, choose, pay, eat. Mind you, I don't always want to be around humans or be perceived. Lol So, I'd like the ability to have food, prepare something at home, too. But if most of my meals were available via thermopolias, I'd be onboard! It'd be good for me to walk, observe and be observed, to interact with others, to try new foods, without the cognitive and executive load.
I'd never heard of these. Fascinating! Rome had so MANY things figured out (albeit plenty that they had wrong too). I'd enjoy these!
Sometimes the distance and solitude of the suburbs I live in drives me nuts. But then I go to the city where everything is convenient and ready, and just want to escape the noise. Can we compromise and have a thermopolia in every neighborhood?
I liked the end of the video where they show real examples of these in Pompeii that were preserved. Thanks!
Hey Jon, really enjoyed this. You’re not cheating. You’re deliberately designing the cognitive and nervous system scaffolding that many people rely on unconsciously. That’s not avoidance, it’s architecture. And it’s a powerful insight.
Apart from the gifted ed, I 100% relate to everything you’ve written. Currently on a requested sabbatical as I grapple with exactly the same feelings and realizations as you have after a very successful 20 year career in corporate. And the “over engineered” feedback - snap! Spending my productive hours playing and learning AI. Looking forward to your next post.
I do not have the relationship to AI assistance you've beautifully wrangled, but yes to all the ways working on a different timeline show up. For me, it's circadian rhythm based and seasonal. Most of my career has been in foodservice and hospitality/service sector. "Bakery Hours" regardless of the job and aggregated availability because people's needs (and restaurant equipment) don't neatly fit into a 9-5. So I'd knock out my admin work and planning first thing and would accomplish easily in an hour what would take 12 hours if I tried to do it later. I'm sensitive to interruptions and task switching doesn't come easily, though I can manage several tasks at once in batches (yay for being a chef!) and apparently made it look to easy because people would pop into the kitchen during a rush and ask random questions or want to visit without realizing I was managing my space with surgical precision and they'd expect my full attention like I was just, I dunno, playing house?
Once I realized that though I came up with some pleasant, hey thanks not now type greetings but the other end of that was before Gmail had scheduled send, all my mail went out at 3 am so people had this impression that I was working around the clock. They didn't realize I scheduled a 2 hour siesta every day, or took myself out to do random fun things or build client relationships, connect with staff and vendors in unexpected ways that yielded wonderful outcomes. I organized my days based on understanding *my* rhythm and it often gave the appearance of being superhuman or lacking boundaries. Lonely indeed, especially when so much of my work is people work. The irony of understanding others and accommodating them with deep care and consideration only to never experience that myself ain't lost on me 😂
Now I'm a stay at home mom and not on any of those tropes either. The kids get it. But they feel the external pressures too... Like we're "getting away" with something and I remain firm in my stance that *this* is actually how life should be, understanding our own pace. (And my spouse wouldn't have the job he does without my capacity for running a household like a tiny restaurant, his autonomous vehicle engineer brain forgets to eat or leave his desk more often than I think is good for anyone 😂 but he has his own rhythm too and a team that spans 5 countries, he aggregates his day too)
It's what so many people want and don't believe it's possible. Glad to see more people piping up about "alternative" work styles!
Nice! I love hearing your personal approach and workarounds, bee! It shows how each position/industry/role has unique flexibility to accommodate for where it's stricter. I also would schedule emails to be sent later, and carried a notebook with me at all times, to appear like the busier version of myself. I never thought to myself that OTHER people might be doing this too. :) And the interplay between designing your alternative work style by ALSO accommodating both partner's/spouse's needs is important to call out. It's so much easier (and effective) when the system can be for the partnership too.
You got me here too. This is my wound.
"The irony of understanding others and accommodating them with deep care and consideration only to never experience that myself ain't lost on me."
Jon, I’ve been meaning to comment on this - you gave me one hell of an aha-moment.
I’m not autistic nor do I have ADHD, but gifted? Yeah that’s the bit I’ve been missing a framework for.
Thanks for your account of what it was like to be in a gifted class - I’ve wondered what that would’ve been like. Not that I’m sure it would’ve even been an option where I grew, but either way my mom once said that she did notice that I was different, wondered whether she should have me assessed, but then decided against it so I’d have a "normal childhood experience". So mom made the same decision on behalf of me as you did for yourself.
Funny thing is, I went through school mostly the way you describe your gifted classes - finished the lesson in no time and then entertained myself some other way. I’m naturally conscientious and agreeable so I wasn’t disruptive to the class, any time a new teacher tried to "catch me" they realised pretty quickly that all I had to do was look up for a second to know where the rest of the class was at to be able to answer any of their questions, and then they’d leave me alone and just tell me to not bother my friends who did need to pay attention. I spent all my after-school time at a classical music school (I actually used school time to do my music theory homework 😛) but that was my happy place - there was a group of us who were there every day, going to different classes and playing multiple instruments, and we had this basement cafe space with vending machines where we used to hang out and nerd out, I suspect we may have created our own little gifted club that way.
Throughout my studies, this pattern continued - I spent my time doing fun stuff, and still excelled academically. This even continued into my PhD but by that point I started getting plagued with a bit of guilt - I felt like I was cheating, or at the very least "squandering my potential" - see how well I did with not even putting a fulltime effort into my work? Oh how far I could go if I sat down and got serious and really tried!
But then… any time I actually did that, my performance got worse. I thought something is wrong with me. I thought, surely the more time I spent on this, the more output I can produce?
So when you framed all your other activities as the care your brain needs to do its best work in a small window of time - it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I’d long suspected that my hobbies must have been doing something special for me, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was.
Now I know. Thank you Jon.
For the first time in my life, I feel like I know what unmasking feels like.
I have goosebumps! Thanks so much for sharing your past and current experience. That basement cafe group was your crew! I love hearing how that memory came together for you.
Yes, you’re different. You’ve always known that and have been told that, I’m sure. Very few talk about the “gifted” experience, because it’s uncomfortable existentially, and others can feel “less than” when exploring it. It’s not better, though; it’s just different. And we feel MUCH better when we understand that and begin to design our environment and interactions according to it.
and I feel like laughing and crying at the same time... :)
LOVE that reddit post.
damn you have a way with words. and let's just say I don't say that easily ;)
"picture a 40-year-old's existential dread in a 5-year-old's emotional regulation system" - yeah that was me at 8 years old. I was just as confused - if not even more - as everyone else around me.
I knew my whole life that I was smart - that was the "duh" bit, I could see it, everyone else kept telling me about it - but it wasn't until I learned about the asynchronous development that comes with giftedness that I was like, omg my childhood makes sense now.
I tell people that I'm not neurotypical, but unless they press me, I won't say exactly what it is that makes me different - I think most people assume it's autism, cause some of the gifted traits overlap with autism and those are the traits I have, but pretty much no other autistic traits which is why I'm quite certain I'm "just" gifted. but it does sound pretentious, doesn't it? and it misses out on so many of the other facets, so if I really need to say it, I usually go with "well it has an unfortunate name because it only captures one aspect of the difference, but it's gifted".
you know, I came to this post cause the title sounded like this might be something I could forward the friend I mentioned previously, instead I've been blown away by how much I see myself in your descriptions too. I can't even begin to imagine how frustrating & confusing it must be at times to have the gifted traits paired with ADHD & autism. I love how you're framing it as a single unique architecture though, that makes the most intuitive (and neuroscientific) sense to me as well.
I have by now also forwarded this to two people btw :)
I stopped calling it procrastination and started calling it percolation. While I am percolating, a lot of other stuff suddenly becomes very interesting. I percolate for as long as I need to then spit it out all at once. Thank you for this! Now I need to understand how you are using AI. That is going to be a rabbit hole isn’t it? I am using chat as my second brain to hold all the ideas and projects that swirl in my head. I tried to organize it in notion, but the learning curve was too great and time consuming. Do you have an article on your AI ways Obi-Wan?
"Percolation" is my new word for it now too. That's a better reframe of "Perfectionism" than anything I've come up with. Thank you!
And yes, the AI rabbit hole is deep. I spend 20-30 hours a week with Claude as cognitive companion and external working memory. It's not a productivity tool for me. It's more like... the infrastructure that makes coherent thinking possible when my internal architecture doesn't hold context reliably.
I actually have that article drafted: "My AI Butler Has 62,000 Messages, 52 Personality Tables, and a Standing Order Not to Trigger My Core Wounds." It's in the queue.
The short version: I didn't just give AI my conversations. I built a structured model of who I am (psychometrics, energy patterns, core wounds, goals, relationship dynamics) so AI can hold context about me, not just context from me. That's the difference between a second brain and a second brain that actually knows whose brain it is.
OMG! Perfect, whenever I come across a an AI prompt i like, i feed it to my chat. It knows it is not allowed to tell me anything that it can’t source from peer reviewed or at the very least , reputable sources, that if it is not peer reviewed it has to tell me, and its not allowed to say stuff just to blow smoke up my ass. It has also been told to make a joke and find humour whenever it can. I fed it your prompt about telling me about me and it went on for 2-3 pages and then asked me if I wanted to know my blind-spots, So I think my training is working. I do want to find out about other AIs though, I have just invested so much time in this one…I can’t wait for the mentioned article.
I felt very seen in this article. Thanks for the permission. It has been over 40 years, and it's about time I stop fighting my own neural architecture to fit in.
Force-fitting in never worked for me anyway.
I love hearing that! Feeling seen is exactly what I want for others who have unique neural architectures. I was 43 when I started fully realizing it, to the point that I embraced finding a way to align with it.
I'm excited for you!
Everything you describe, has parallels in how I understand myself. Different paths, same conclusions.
My brother was labeled gifted and diagnosed with ADHD, as a child. From a young age, I did math workbooks for fun and couldn't get enough, yet was missed. I grew up being told & believing I was "stupid", an "airhead", not as bright as my brother. Later in life, I learned that I'm AuDHD. Learning to accommodate myself in a neuroaffirming way has unlocked my brain in ways that regularly shock me. Who knew I'm actually intelligent! 🤪
To have access to my "supernova days", I need to offload unnecessary cognitive load, to deconstruct or replace norms, to regulate & exist differently than common "shoulds & oughts". I wish others knew it's not only okay but necessary to challenge the norms. Thank you for "seeing" me, for allowing me to "see" you, and hopefully the shared witnessing frees others, too. 🙌🏻
You're doing the work! And designing an aligned life! I love it!!
I wouldn't be where I am without my coaches, therapists, wife, family, and AI. I've had access to great resources too, like books and fellow writers.
What or who encouraged and supported you along the way to find this life? I'm interested in the technical scaffolding to enable it, but also the relational.
Ooh, interesting questions. I've not really articulated this before, but roughly... As for relational scaffolding, it's largely been a solo journey. I became a bit (Ha! Understatement!) hyperfocused on learning about autism and ADHD. My curiosity and insatiable desire to understand something drives my questions, my desire to reimagine & create something different. I do have supportive friends & family, but we have different interests & live around the globe from one another.
One example of technical scaffolding. I learned about different relationships autistics can have with food/eating and then the same for the ADHD brain. I started to see which ones showed up for me. Suddenly, all the cultural narratives around food, eating, weight, laziness, etc. began to fall away. I didn't forget to eat because I'm fat. I forget to eat because I don't receive hunger signals (autism). I didn't binge because I have no will power, but because I'm craving neurotransmitters (ADHD). I don't struggle to prepare food because I'm lazy, but because there are too many choices and steps (executive dysfunction). I'm not a stubborn eater, I have ARFID tendencies. So, I changed what I eat, when I eat it, and how I prepare food. I use time/reminders to make up for few/no hunger signals. I start my day by eating protein (Protein ➡️ amino acids ➡️ neurotransmitters.) to eliminate binging, later. I'm eating consistently, now, & very predictably. This facilitates decreasing cognitive load around grocery shopping (I also order my groceries online, further reducing sensory and cognitive load of going to the store.), choosing meals, and food prep.
The more I learned about my brain, other autistic and/or ADHD brains, it gave me different questions to ask, things to consider.
Another example, drinking water was always challenging for me unless it was ice cold. But when the ice melted, I wouldn't touch it. I'd dump it, as if it were "contaminated". 🤣 And then face executive dysfunction to refill the glass, while feeling guilty for wasting water. So, I bought a water bottle that keeps ice frozen for 24-36 hours. I drink more water now that every time I pick it up, it's ice cold. And I no longer waste water.
I tailor my environment, tools, processes to account for my sensory preferences, to reduce cognitive load, and to facilitate my drive for autonomy. Which frees up my brain for play, whimsy, creativity, analytical exploration & synthesis. And on and on. I'm more present, a better friend, more resilient, "smarter", more creative, etc., than I was, because I've built in mechanisms to account for having more neuronal connections and fewer filters for all the incoming data (Compared to neurotypical brains that experience more neuronal pruning from toddler-hood to adolescence & can filter data differently.).
So, I think you could say my scaffolding is driven by my curiosity and puzzles. (What happens if I try this? And then seeing direct, patterned results.)
I can relate to the hyperfocus on autism and ADHD. It's so validating while being complex enough to act as fuel for our brains' desires. And there's so much more to learn that hasn't been "discovered" yet so it's an endless puzzle.
Your reframes related to food are on point, and POWERFUL. It's so interesting to me how much of what we thought we understand can be reframed through the lens of neurodivergence.
I thought I was simply a huge Costco fan. But I've realized it's more likely that I prefer to bulk shop because remembering to restock items by making a trip to the grocery store is tricky for me. If I never run out, I never have to remember. And the merchandising strategy at Costco gives me 2-3 options to select from for each product, not a wall of 42 different brands that I need to compare and choose from.
Your solution for the drinking water problem is also a perfect example of a neurodivergent solution for a complex (for you) problem. I just had a friend say they won't drink their "dusty ass water" since it's been sitting out without a lid for over an hour. 🤣
Thanks for sharing your scaffolding! Keep up the good work!
Oh my goodness, yes!! This is why I prefer bulk buying, too! And Costco satisfying this preference plus offering limited options makes so much sense.
Recently, a friend sent me an IG reel (Link below.) talking about ancient Rome's thermopolia. (No kitchens in most homes, going to the thermopolias to choose a hot meal.) I was thinking how perfect something like that would be for neurodivergent brains. No meal planning, grocery shopping, decision making, food prep. Just go for a walk, choose, pay, eat. Mind you, I don't always want to be around humans or be perceived. Lol So, I'd like the ability to have food, prepare something at home, too. But if most of my meals were available via thermopolias, I'd be onboard! It'd be good for me to walk, observe and be observed, to interact with others, to try new foods, without the cognitive and executive load.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DU27XBvjAJy/
I'd never heard of these. Fascinating! Rome had so MANY things figured out (albeit plenty that they had wrong too). I'd enjoy these!
Sometimes the distance and solitude of the suburbs I live in drives me nuts. But then I go to the city where everything is convenient and ready, and just want to escape the noise. Can we compromise and have a thermopolia in every neighborhood?
I liked the end of the video where they show real examples of these in Pompeii that were preserved. Thanks!
Hey Jon, really enjoyed this. You’re not cheating. You’re deliberately designing the cognitive and nervous system scaffolding that many people rely on unconsciously. That’s not avoidance, it’s architecture. And it’s a powerful insight.
Thanks so much, Luis, for the support!
Apart from the gifted ed, I 100% relate to everything you’ve written. Currently on a requested sabbatical as I grapple with exactly the same feelings and realizations as you have after a very successful 20 year career in corporate. And the “over engineered” feedback - snap! Spending my productive hours playing and learning AI. Looking forward to your next post.
I’m glad it lands with you! I would’ve found you on the playground during recess. ;) Good luck with your midlife-reopportunization!
I do not have the relationship to AI assistance you've beautifully wrangled, but yes to all the ways working on a different timeline show up. For me, it's circadian rhythm based and seasonal. Most of my career has been in foodservice and hospitality/service sector. "Bakery Hours" regardless of the job and aggregated availability because people's needs (and restaurant equipment) don't neatly fit into a 9-5. So I'd knock out my admin work and planning first thing and would accomplish easily in an hour what would take 12 hours if I tried to do it later. I'm sensitive to interruptions and task switching doesn't come easily, though I can manage several tasks at once in batches (yay for being a chef!) and apparently made it look to easy because people would pop into the kitchen during a rush and ask random questions or want to visit without realizing I was managing my space with surgical precision and they'd expect my full attention like I was just, I dunno, playing house?
Once I realized that though I came up with some pleasant, hey thanks not now type greetings but the other end of that was before Gmail had scheduled send, all my mail went out at 3 am so people had this impression that I was working around the clock. They didn't realize I scheduled a 2 hour siesta every day, or took myself out to do random fun things or build client relationships, connect with staff and vendors in unexpected ways that yielded wonderful outcomes. I organized my days based on understanding *my* rhythm and it often gave the appearance of being superhuman or lacking boundaries. Lonely indeed, especially when so much of my work is people work. The irony of understanding others and accommodating them with deep care and consideration only to never experience that myself ain't lost on me 😂
Now I'm a stay at home mom and not on any of those tropes either. The kids get it. But they feel the external pressures too... Like we're "getting away" with something and I remain firm in my stance that *this* is actually how life should be, understanding our own pace. (And my spouse wouldn't have the job he does without my capacity for running a household like a tiny restaurant, his autonomous vehicle engineer brain forgets to eat or leave his desk more often than I think is good for anyone 😂 but he has his own rhythm too and a team that spans 5 countries, he aggregates his day too)
It's what so many people want and don't believe it's possible. Glad to see more people piping up about "alternative" work styles!
Nice! I love hearing your personal approach and workarounds, bee! It shows how each position/industry/role has unique flexibility to accommodate for where it's stricter. I also would schedule emails to be sent later, and carried a notebook with me at all times, to appear like the busier version of myself. I never thought to myself that OTHER people might be doing this too. :) And the interplay between designing your alternative work style by ALSO accommodating both partner's/spouse's needs is important to call out. It's so much easier (and effective) when the system can be for the partnership too.
You got me here too. This is my wound.
"The irony of understanding others and accommodating them with deep care and consideration only to never experience that myself ain't lost on me."
As I write about this, I'm finding others through Substack's algorithm that are doing the same.
For example, I just read the following and it describes the theoretical possibilities and general approach.
https://kairosworld.substack.com/p/kairos-world-design-01-why-work-feels
What are others here doing to survive, that they're too afraid to tell their co-workers?
Jon, I’ve been meaning to comment on this - you gave me one hell of an aha-moment.
I’m not autistic nor do I have ADHD, but gifted? Yeah that’s the bit I’ve been missing a framework for.
Thanks for your account of what it was like to be in a gifted class - I’ve wondered what that would’ve been like. Not that I’m sure it would’ve even been an option where I grew, but either way my mom once said that she did notice that I was different, wondered whether she should have me assessed, but then decided against it so I’d have a "normal childhood experience". So mom made the same decision on behalf of me as you did for yourself.
Funny thing is, I went through school mostly the way you describe your gifted classes - finished the lesson in no time and then entertained myself some other way. I’m naturally conscientious and agreeable so I wasn’t disruptive to the class, any time a new teacher tried to "catch me" they realised pretty quickly that all I had to do was look up for a second to know where the rest of the class was at to be able to answer any of their questions, and then they’d leave me alone and just tell me to not bother my friends who did need to pay attention. I spent all my after-school time at a classical music school (I actually used school time to do my music theory homework 😛) but that was my happy place - there was a group of us who were there every day, going to different classes and playing multiple instruments, and we had this basement cafe space with vending machines where we used to hang out and nerd out, I suspect we may have created our own little gifted club that way.
Throughout my studies, this pattern continued - I spent my time doing fun stuff, and still excelled academically. This even continued into my PhD but by that point I started getting plagued with a bit of guilt - I felt like I was cheating, or at the very least "squandering my potential" - see how well I did with not even putting a fulltime effort into my work? Oh how far I could go if I sat down and got serious and really tried!
But then… any time I actually did that, my performance got worse. I thought something is wrong with me. I thought, surely the more time I spent on this, the more output I can produce?
So when you framed all your other activities as the care your brain needs to do its best work in a small window of time - it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I’d long suspected that my hobbies must have been doing something special for me, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was.
Now I know. Thank you Jon.
For the first time in my life, I feel like I know what unmasking feels like.
I have goosebumps! Thanks so much for sharing your past and current experience. That basement cafe group was your crew! I love hearing how that memory came together for you.
Yes, you’re different. You’ve always known that and have been told that, I’m sure. Very few talk about the “gifted” experience, because it’s uncomfortable existentially, and others can feel “less than” when exploring it. It’s not better, though; it’s just different. And we feel MUCH better when we understand that and begin to design our environment and interactions according to it.
You might like my post (and 2-e community) on Reddit at https://www.reddit.com/r/TwiceExceptional/comments/1le7njs/the_gword/. I’m writing a follow-up now that breaks down the Dabrowskian theory of Developmental Potential. You might find that worthy of exploring too. 🙏
and I feel like laughing and crying at the same time... :)
LOVE that reddit post.
damn you have a way with words. and let's just say I don't say that easily ;)
"picture a 40-year-old's existential dread in a 5-year-old's emotional regulation system" - yeah that was me at 8 years old. I was just as confused - if not even more - as everyone else around me.
I knew my whole life that I was smart - that was the "duh" bit, I could see it, everyone else kept telling me about it - but it wasn't until I learned about the asynchronous development that comes with giftedness that I was like, omg my childhood makes sense now.
I tell people that I'm not neurotypical, but unless they press me, I won't say exactly what it is that makes me different - I think most people assume it's autism, cause some of the gifted traits overlap with autism and those are the traits I have, but pretty much no other autistic traits which is why I'm quite certain I'm "just" gifted. but it does sound pretentious, doesn't it? and it misses out on so many of the other facets, so if I really need to say it, I usually go with "well it has an unfortunate name because it only captures one aspect of the difference, but it's gifted".
you know, I came to this post cause the title sounded like this might be something I could forward the friend I mentioned previously, instead I've been blown away by how much I see myself in your descriptions too. I can't even begin to imagine how frustrating & confusing it must be at times to have the gifted traits paired with ADHD & autism. I love how you're framing it as a single unique architecture though, that makes the most intuitive (and neuroscientific) sense to me as well.
I have by now also forwarded this to two people btw :)
I stopped calling it procrastination and started calling it percolation. While I am percolating, a lot of other stuff suddenly becomes very interesting. I percolate for as long as I need to then spit it out all at once. Thank you for this! Now I need to understand how you are using AI. That is going to be a rabbit hole isn’t it? I am using chat as my second brain to hold all the ideas and projects that swirl in my head. I tried to organize it in notion, but the learning curve was too great and time consuming. Do you have an article on your AI ways Obi-Wan?
"Percolation" is my new word for it now too. That's a better reframe of "Perfectionism" than anything I've come up with. Thank you!
And yes, the AI rabbit hole is deep. I spend 20-30 hours a week with Claude as cognitive companion and external working memory. It's not a productivity tool for me. It's more like... the infrastructure that makes coherent thinking possible when my internal architecture doesn't hold context reliably.
I actually have that article drafted: "My AI Butler Has 62,000 Messages, 52 Personality Tables, and a Standing Order Not to Trigger My Core Wounds." It's in the queue.
The short version: I didn't just give AI my conversations. I built a structured model of who I am (psychometrics, energy patterns, core wounds, goals, relationship dynamics) so AI can hold context about me, not just context from me. That's the difference between a second brain and a second brain that actually knows whose brain it is.
More to come. And may the Force be with you.
OMG! Perfect, whenever I come across a an AI prompt i like, i feed it to my chat. It knows it is not allowed to tell me anything that it can’t source from peer reviewed or at the very least , reputable sources, that if it is not peer reviewed it has to tell me, and its not allowed to say stuff just to blow smoke up my ass. It has also been told to make a joke and find humour whenever it can. I fed it your prompt about telling me about me and it went on for 2-3 pages and then asked me if I wanted to know my blind-spots, So I think my training is working. I do want to find out about other AIs though, I have just invested so much time in this one…I can’t wait for the mentioned article.