Outstanding introspection. I can sure relate to a good bit of it (file under Why I Don't Have Friends). You are wise beyond your years, and your insights are greatly appreciated.
Jon, this piece hits so close to home. The expectation of not being met is a protective pattern I keep finding in myself, and it's decades old. I've worked hard on reducing it, but traces do remain. The harder thing I've come to realize is the mirror you describe: I can't always see other people the way they need me to, either. That's usually much more about my own capacity in the moment than about what they're bringing. Thank you for this.
Thanks Chris! I didn't write much about capacity in the moment. That impacts our ability to read and understand as well, especially when time is compressed or the environment isn't accommodating. Definitely something to pay attention to.
Beautiful articulation of how the AuDHD nervous system adapts to chronic misunderstanding. Sitting on the island and assuming the worst isn't a character flaw. It’s a survival strategy for a mind that has been burned by a careless world. It's a vivid reminder that we don't need to "fix" our protective patterns — we need environments that don't force us to deploy them in the first place.
Outstanding introspection. I can sure relate to a good bit of it (file under Why I Don't Have Friends). You are wise beyond your years, and your insights are greatly appreciated.
Thanks so much, Marie! You show yourself on Substack and see me as well. File that under Why I Have Friends on Substack. 🫶
Jon, this piece hits so close to home. The expectation of not being met is a protective pattern I keep finding in myself, and it's decades old. I've worked hard on reducing it, but traces do remain. The harder thing I've come to realize is the mirror you describe: I can't always see other people the way they need me to, either. That's usually much more about my own capacity in the moment than about what they're bringing. Thank you for this.
Thanks Chris! I didn't write much about capacity in the moment. That impacts our ability to read and understand as well, especially when time is compressed or the environment isn't accommodating. Definitely something to pay attention to.
“The resolution at which I see myself is finer than the resolution at which most people are equipped to see anyone.”
Lovely way to describe the Fundamental Attribution Error / Actor-Observer Bias!
Beautiful articulation of how the AuDHD nervous system adapts to chronic misunderstanding. Sitting on the island and assuming the worst isn't a character flaw. It’s a survival strategy for a mind that has been burned by a careless world. It's a vivid reminder that we don't need to "fix" our protective patterns — we need environments that don't force us to deploy them in the first place.